Therapy

The more things change, the more they stay exactly the same.  Apparently it’s been forever since I used this blog (that no one reads) for it’s intended purpose.  So here I am, watching the Packer game, so they’re losing; preparing to dump my soul to the interwebz.

The Army has taken us to move #4 in the last five years making me (again) unemployed.  I hate not working.  Mostly I think I hate the feeling of being detached from society that not working causes.  I derive very little satisfaction from being an at-home parent.  Mad props to those of you that can and do, but I derive no thrill from living vicariously.  Instead I sit here at Ft. McFun 100% convinced that life is passing me by.

I think it is fair to say I have no life.  We rarely have plans we didn’t make.  Apparently, we’re assholes and no one likes us because we don’t get invited anywhere and rarely are our invites accepted except for a handful of folks.  So to all of you who said “Yay!  It’ll be nice to have you home” when we got orders here or “I sure wish you were closer”  while we were gone I’d like to ask “why?”.  Our presence or absence in your life has no effect whatsoever.    When was the last time we hung out?  Had dinner?  Played cards?  Met up at the park?  I am not whining that I have no friends, I do.   But most of the go-to friends aren’t here.  I’m lonely.  I am lonely and I am very, very bored.

Turns of fate and twists of life have cost me my faith in humanity and, on some days, my faith entirely.  Since July  2005, I’ve had exactly 12 months of full-time work for pay, we had an illegal foreclosure and can’t get anyone to help us and our financial situation has gone from ~meh~ to shitty and headed downhill.  I’d try to find the positive, but most days, I just can’t dig that deep.

I can’t find my place.  I feel like a person with no hometown, no roots.  Not that I want them, but living where you were born and raised but feeling like you don’t fit in is a surreal feeling.

Thanks for reading.  I didn’t promise a good blog, just a therapeutic one.